So many things... So little time....

It's been a while since I wrote my last blog... Last night when I couldn't fall asleep after toilet-midnight-call, I've been thinking a lot... Like A LOT. About my life, things goin' on with it, my mum, my tantrum Orange Cat who refused to get back to sleep after he saw a baby lizard on the wall, about my partner, my future and most of all about my family....


Lately my mum has been sick..... I wish I could care for her more, but while I am here, it's quite hard to go back my hometown every weekend. But I did try my best though. I spent about a week plus taking care of her and off course my dad too.. It came to my senses that my folks just lonely...... Being the youngest in my family truly instilled me with family values.... It brings me back to the past where I was the only one around when all the siblings all over the country, fullfilled their obligations as someone else's wife, husband, mother and father, and also education calls. I was there with them. Day and nite. For the first 18 years of my life I shared everything with them........


I was really a spoilt child back then. Being alone in the house with mum and dad trying hard to give me anything I could possibly asked was a major success to me. While they kept nag me about schools and stuffs, but I was pretty obidient and bright child. I still remember how big my mum grin was when I was up and down taking my achievement presents at school. She proudly said to her friends, she out of hands to bring all the presents back home. While my dad being a big boss after all, pleasurely told me my School Principal proud to have me in his school. "Another concrete reason to ask 'em more things"-like a silet prayer, I kept telling myself that.



My mum and dad pretty much proud of me. After I continued my tertiary studies in local Uni, they can't wait for me to finally graduate and be someone in the future. Their last daughter not only gave them a glimpse of promising future but such happiness for them in their golden age. And I was so proud of myself, not only for my achievement but a happiness I brought to them. That is the least I can do for everything they've done for me all these while...



Looking at my mum when she was deeply asleep with little strength left because of her sickness not only bring tears to me but I came to realization how much she loves me all these while... Am I her favourite? To her, I don't know, but my dad's is (I think so! ;P) but I know I am special. Being a softie as she is, she was hardly raised her voice to me, never even a pinch on my tiny thigh when she can't handle my naughtiness anymore. As stubborn as I can be, she always try to give me to the almost impossibles... She always told me how different I look from the rest, and I know how she secretly stare at me when I watched tv, did my home work or every other things which she tought I didn't know she was staring.... And how funny she can be when I looked at her while she was staring, she quickly look away or pretend to sleep!... My funny mum..... When I am a mum myself, all I wanna do is to raise my child the way she did, with a little harmless corrections here and there, I know I'll be fine.....................



Dad, being a school teacher and Village Headman, he can be strict as he can be. When he raised his voice, we kept our mouth shut and as timid as barn mouse, we kept ourselves in the room with closed door. Being specky myslef (thanks to my bad habit of reading in the dark when I was young!!), you can't imagine how many times I broke my reading glass. Well, averagely twice a year I guess! ;P Off course he nagged me as long as he can nag. He nagged about so many things-money, school, my carelessness, etc, and being brat myself, I couldn't care less back then. What I know was when he brings me Optician, I'll choose the most stylo spectacles available regardless the price. So off course, he nagged me again when we were back home. Because of my achievements in school and being a hardworking student, I think it make up all those. So dad literally stopped nagging and motivate me even more. Being a positive person myself, my dad should get all the credits. He never stops motivate me and I am for I am today because of him, his guidance and motivations were the core of my very being.....



When ages catching up on them, so many things, so little time to do things for them... But I know it'll never be too late.... At least half of things I've fullfilled, and the rest of list, I pray I can do it sooner...... With so much love I give and continue to give them, I just hope they know that my love for them is true, sincere and uncondition................

Mak, Ayah..... Adek sayang mak ayah very very much..............................................

Sense of Belongings..

I bought this book in 2007, guess what? I haven't finish reading it! Half way though.. The reason? Because the font is quite small, not really suitable for my short-sighted eyes. Awakening Intuition-Using your Mind-Body network for Insight and Healing by Dr. Mona Lisa Schulz.


I always think I have this 'six-sense' or some people might call it 'instict'. Ya, I do have it. I've noticed I had it way back during my Uni time. 8 out of 10 things I felt, came true. Started from there I developed an interest in exploring my 'instict'. Everytime I go to bookstore I unhesitantly go to New Age Section, looking in between of the shelves, a books about 'instict'. Because of budget restriction of being a Uni student back then, I would just sat, flipped through and read few interesting pages and put it back on the shelf where it belonged.


And since now I have a steady income on my own, I owned few New Age books. And this book is the interesting ones. It teaches you everyday situations where it brings you to realization that your body basically telling you how well they are. What we should do is just listening to what our body tell us and using it as protection or a method of knowing what's wrong with it.


One phrase that catches my attention was "Research has shown that women who has close relationships with men actually have more regular periods and fewer problems with fertility. It appears, believe or not, that something in male armpit sweat helps regulate the menstrual cycle. Apparently, even something potentially offensive, like body odour, has biochemical usefulness in helping us bond to one another". This is what I would like to call Sense of Belongings. And it's very very true.


Whenever I feel down and sad, I am sure looking for something comfortable, something that can makes me feel better again. Something that can bring me back to life. Something that I belong to.. When my partner with me, he hold me tight, all the problems collapsed and I can go through almost anything. Because when I smell his scent, the safety bond developes. And I feel safe again.


Whenever I cry, my Fat Orange Cat will definitely come to me and comfort me. Smelling his thick orange fur and hearing his endless pur to me, is priceless. Surprisingly, as if an angel taking over me, I will stop crying and at the same time telling him that "I am ok, don't worry about me, I'll stop crying now.." And his pur continues...


And again, the Sense of Belongings situation happens again when I'm goin to bed. I can't sleep without my 'bantal busuk' (smelly pillow). You know, your favourite pillow where you sniff its signature or some kind significant smell and you basically breathing through it till you fall asleep. Ya, that's what I'm talking about. It can be your favourite pillow or blanket or even the bed itself. Like my partner, he insists on keeping the same bedspread as long as it can be on there, regardless how smelly and dirty it can be without ever changing it. The reason being is whenever the bedspread being changed, he's having tough time to fall asleep and it is not something preferable. He lost his sense of belongings. Funny and dirty at the same time, eh?


Is this Sense of Belongings is good? I have no answer. But I know it is something 'must haves' in life. And I know I can loose it, not in million years.

Too much heat!

It's been very very hot for the last couple of days, and it makes me L.A.Z.Y!!
Just lying around watching my fav prog on tv again and again and again. I wonder why do I never feel bored watching reruns of some of the tv shows? I knew which part of what, when will I laugh of the stupid jokes, who's doing what, those kind of things..

Maybe we just being so 'settled' of some of the things in our life. You know, it's like a routine, something familiar, so we are so comfortable of having 'those' without ever wanna think what's going to happen if the 'priviledge' of having 'those' being taken away.. Which I can't imagine!! I know it gonna be hard but isn't it part of the life? One day you have it, the next day you don't.

In fact, being 'settled' in your life isn't something good.. Yet, it can be something good though.. Well, it is just my opinion.

Not good? ... Well, when those 'settled things' being taken away from your life, you will definitely feel out of a limb. You will feel your life or anything you do wouldn't be enough, it just incomplete. You wouldn't know how or where to start or even to finish it. The solution, you might want to find a replacement of it. You going extra miles to replace it because finding a replacement never been easy. You will expect something better than the previous one, and when it's not, you never going to call it a replacement. When it can't be called a replacement, your expectation becomes higher, you tend to compare, not to compromise. And you might be thinking, "Why on earth should I settle for something less when I had the best?". Having no goals to achieve is not a preferable option. It's absolute NO. So in a way it's something good which push you to be better and to have better things in life. It's like motivator or a pusher for you to go further.


Good ones? ... When you settled for something you tend not to expect for something more. You grateful for what you have and you take thing as it is. Your life just like a stagnant water. No major changes, just a sweet soft blow of a wind on a surface. And you just happy living in plain small life. You know, like driving your first car you bought 15 years ago. You never think of having a new car nor to replace it. As long as it can move, carry you from Point A to Point B, hardly giving you any prob, you settled.


So which one am I?.. I think a little bit of both. I love to keep something I own forever, without any question of losing it yet I am not a settled type. I always want something better because as what I always tell myself "I DESERVE ALL THE BEST IN LIFE".


So tell me, how about yours?

When Fat Orange Cat starts to write...

You might wonder, why Fat Orange Cat..? Am I fat?... Or orange...? Nah...

Trust me, I am totally the opposites! Skinny and off course I am not orange. Fat Orange Cat, my cat is!





I always wonder how does it feel seeing world through cat's eyes... Their says and perspectives about what's goin' on around them... I'm a passionate kind of person... and I do believe animals share the same feeling... They can't tell us but they do feel whenever we passionate about them. And my fat Orange Cat is definitely the luckiest pet around (and applause to all pet lover around the world!). What an easy life he's living in.. Sleep, eat, play, pee and poop! That's it! Sometimes, whenever there's a dark heavy clouds and occasional storm blasting my life, I do wish I am just a cat.... The needs to shoosh away those dark clouds and storm is "nil."





But still, I am thankful for the blessed life I'm living in. It's not so easy life though but I am thankful.